My Friends

This is a repost of an old Facebook note. Thinking about it tonight, it still captures my heart, and worth repeating.

My Friends

by Sarah Leslie on Tuesday, February 2, 2010 at 11:29pm

Okay, so I’m thinking tonight about some deep stuff. Mainly about what kind of difference I have made and will continue to make. I wasted years preoccupied with what others thought of me, and I am so glad I am over that. How painfully I have felt the judgments of others who believe they are better, stronger, richer, more important. I don’t need their stamp of approval upon my life to know I make a difference.

They aren’t the ones that really matter anyway. It’s those who know that life is hard, sometimes even devastating, that I want to have in my life. They are the ones who have the ability to truly love because they have lost, to live because part of them has died, and to care because they have been neglected. I love you just as you are, because I have first been rejected. Judged. Abandoned. Ashamed.

I am no Will Rogers. I do not make friends easily, nor quickly. In fact, I am probably a pretty difficult person to get to know, a mysterious enigma that talks in riddles, tells lame jokes, and hides from those who love me. But if you are my friend, you can be certain of this, I will remain fiercely loyal to you, a trustworthy confidant of your deepest dreams, a steadfast cheerleader in all your endeavors. I accept you as you are, no strings, no expectations, no judgment.

Some of you have known me for ages, others mere months, but always remember this, if you get lost, I will look for you; if you fall into the gutter, I will bring you home; if you are stuck in the muddy mire, I will pull you out; if you are locked behind bars, I will visit and write; if you become ill, I will sit at your bedside. All this is to say, I will not turn my back on you, I am not going anywhere. You, my friends, have made me who I am, and part of you will live forever in me, through every breath I breathe.

I have petty little to offer you in return for your friendship, but I offer what I am, such as I am. If I have tagged you, know that you have made a difference in my life. I cherish you. And always remember, I am here.

Balaam: Prophet for hire

"God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent; Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?" (Numbers 23:19)

At the core of God’s character is Truth. He is the very essence of Truth. As Christ followers, we yearn to develop the character of Christ. But are we willing to do what it takes? Are we genuinely devoted in all areas of life to developing the character of Christ?

Numbers 23 contains two of the four prophecies God delivered through the mouth of Balaam. Although God used Balaam to prophesy, he was not a prophet, he was a soothsayer, a diviner, a multiculturalist who was devoted to every god, every religion, tolerant of all. He studied details of local religions, and was willing to work for any god, for any reason. He was pricey, internationally known, and very skillful at cursing people.

Balak, the Moabite King, feared destruction at the hand of the encamping Israelites and spared no expense to crush them with best curser in the known world. He and his people were “sick with dread” they were so afraid. The Hebrew translation tells us they were so terrified they were throwing up. Their fear was visceral; it made their guts wrench.

This type of fear takes on a life of its own, leading to many desperate choices and reckless actions. If Balak hadn’t panicked, and simply communicated with Moses, he would have discovered there was nothing to fear, for God had told Israel to pass by the Moabites without harming them. Instead he relied on magic and sorcery as national weapons, and hired Balaam.

Balaam desired a relationship with God, to be able to bless and curse, to be a real prophet—but he never wanted to obey. In fact, he constantly and consistently refused to do what God told him. In the end, God took over his mouth, and he was helpless to prevent it. Balaam knew enough truth to outwardly appear sincere and faithful, but was not at all willing to yield his life to God.

I have walked in both sets of shoes. I have been so caught up in fear and panic, making tragic choices because I didn’t seek God. And I’ve known what the truth was and not lived by it. But when I signed away the right to myself, and yielded to Christ, those shoes fell from my feet. It’s possible to live worry-free, never fearing God’s next move, knowing He is managing my life according to His character, not mine.

Ego-driven self-promotion earns permanent demotion

God despises a self-important, self-promoting attitude. What begins as pride leads to envy of others, rebellion against leaders, quarrelling among families, and evil conspiracy. Instead, it is wise to humble ourselves, on our face before God in all situations, seeking his plan, and becoming willing to follow it.

"As he finished speaking all these words, the ground that was under them split open; and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them up, and their households, and all the men who belonged to Korah with their possessions. So they and all that belonged to them went down alive to Sheol; and the earth closed over them, and they perished from the midst of the assembly." (Numbers 16:31-33)

Numbers 16 is an old-testament, 21^st century, action-thriller, containing conspiracy, violent death, and natural disaster. This catastrophic chain of events was induced by the ego of a Levite leader named Korah. Korah grew dissatisfied with his position of serving the Lord in the Tabernacle, and began to envy the leadership positions of Moses and Aaron.

To satisfy his growing ego, Korah, along with fellow leaders Dathan and Abiram, conspired to challenge the leadership team God had put in place. 250 community leaders were also recruited to join the rebellion.

Assembling together before Moses and Aaron, Korah’s stinging words in verse three reveal the depth of his arrogance, “ ‘You have gone far enough, for all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is in their midst; so why do you exalt yourselves above the assembly of the LORD?’”

He thought he was rebuking Moses, but he was actually despising God. He bought the lie that he deserved a different position than God gave him.  How did God respond to Korah’s rebellion? He opened a sinkhole beneath his feet, sending him, along with his co-conspirators, their families and possessions, “down alive into the grave.” Immediately afterward, the 250 leaders who had joined the revolt perished in a blaze of heavenly fire.

Korah thought of himself as holy, but God considered him wicked. Korah wanted to make the rules and give himself a promotion. He learned (too late) that God makes the rules, and demotes unrepentant leaders.
Throughout this chapter we see Moses fall on his face in humility before God, seeking vindication, validation and wisdom. Because of Moses’ intercession, God extended grace. God allowed 24 hours for Korah and his group to repent. That’s grace. He gave the followers a warning and the choice to separate themselves from the conspirators. That’s grace. We also discover later in Numbers that God spared a strand of descendants of Korah, allowing them to continue serving Him in the Tabernacle. That’s extreme grace.

Moses humbly sought God in every circumstance listed here, and God honored his humility by extending grace.
God despises a self-important, self-promoting attitude. What begins as pride leads to envy of others, rebellion against leaders, quarrelling among families, and evil conspiracy. Instead, it is wise to humble ourselves, on our face before God in all situations, seeking his plan, and becoming willing to follow it.

You are Never Forgotten

Everyone encounters seasons where we feel forgotten by others. During these moments, what matters is focusing on the promise that God is in control of our circumstances, and knowing and believing that He will place us on the hearts and minds of others according to his timing.

Read Genesis chapter 40. Even while imprisoned, the Lord showed favor to Joseph, and he was placed in charge of the other captives. And we see in this passage that he was attentive and compassionate toward those cared for, which included King Pharaoh’s own cup-bearer and baker. He noticed their sadness one day and inquired why. Each of them had a separate dream in the night that left them dejected and confused as they struggled to discern the meaning. After first giving credit to God, Joseph told each man the interpretations of their dreams. The baker’s dream foretold of his death, while the cup-bearer’s dream foretold of his release from prison and restoration to office. Joseph asked but one thing of the cup-bearer, that he would remember him when he was once again working in the presence of the King, and help free him.

In three days, both dreams came to pass exactly as Joseph foretold. But the cup-bearer made no mention of Joseph to the King, in fact, he forgot him altogether. I can only imagine how Joseph’s heart lost hope a little more each day, as he slowly came to the conclusion that he had been forgotten. He had served the cup-bearer with compassion, even gave of his spiritual gift to interpret dreams, yet was forgotten.

By this time in Joseph’s life, he had come to know that the only one worthy of trust was God himself. People, sometimes even your own family, will forsake you. It is the result of fallen human beings living in a fallen world. But because of the transcendent nature of God, we still have the possibility of immense hope, even when others fail us. In fact, our hope need not falter at all when our life seems to go up in smoke. When we encounter strife, pain, or even tragic disaster that turns our world upside down, we will feel sadness, grief, and confusion, but if it goes beyond, toward hopelessness and desolation, that’s a sign our hope and trust was placed in the person, and not the God, behind our circumstances. God remembers you, always.

The Power of Respect by Deborah Norville, Book Review

The Power of Respect is a common sense approach on the impact of respect in the world. Norville relates her topic to the reader in point blank, everyday language, and applies it to every area of life: home, relationships, school, business, leadership, and self.

I found this book to be a quick read, yet it made an impact. It took me back to the values I was raised upon, to treat others as I would want to be treated. But more than that, it made me realize that there is an entire segment of the population that wasn't raised with those values, and that this book could be a real growth experience for them.

I really enjoyed the book layout, which includes quotes, lists and "respect reminders" in each chapter. My favorite chapter is the last of the seven: It's on the Inside, The Power of Self-Respect. I know firsthand the importance of respecting yourself first, only because I lived many years not doing so. The more we learn about who we really are, and learn to accept ourselves, the less others' perceptions of us matter.

Respect can be cultivated, it can be learned, and it can change your life.

Lock-n-Load baby

So it's been forever since I've blogged, but for some reason, today's the day. I've been thinking this morning about 2010, and what it may hold, and the entire new decade in general. Will I live till 2020? Heck I don't know. But I'm not really obsessed with it either. All I ever really have is today. And I'm not even guaranteed breath long enough to see nightfall really, none of us are. So if I want to spend what could be my last moments making a difference, what does that look like?

As I view the landscape of all the people in my life, they all come to life in vivid Technicolor waves. I see my friends, my family, and those whom I love, or once have loved. I see my enemies, my tormentors, and those whom I just simply can't stand. But then there are those whom I hold dear, and deeply love, and as I look at them, I understand why I am even alive.

It is for those people that have been overlooked, judged, condemned, labeled worthless good for nothings, screw-ups. For anyone who has ever had their entire life turn its back on them, and felt the sting of rejection and abandonment. You are not just a face, a name, a statistic, an inmate number; you are my very soul and reason why I live. I am just like you. I am you.

I have an arsenal of words, meant just for you. Not mere words, but truths that your heart is longing to hear. I know the truth about you, and am not afraid to speak it, yell it, or gently whisper it, into your ears. Truth is never what you think it is.

If you've ever felt the razor blade on your wrist, the cold steel barrel placed at your temple, the violation of a stomach pump, my words are for you. If you cannot forget the humiliating restraint of the handcuffs, or the view of your world through bars and barbed wire, I know what your heart is longing to hear. If you know the crushing blow of a fist, the sting of the whiskey, the twist of the knife, or the terror of the chase, I have a battery of soothing words just for you.

Pain, humiliation, shame, terror, fear, is not a definition of who you are. You were created for so much more. My words flow for you. I sit at my keyboard, open a vein and bleed for you. If you are reading this, and think your life is great, and that you have no problems, just keep on truckin' my friend. I don't have time for you. But if you are reading this, and you know deep inside that you are not all right, you have just connected with someone who knows, and exists to help you. Just take it. I have the words that you need to hear, that you long to hear. You will not find the answer in a bottle, in a pill, a joint, a needle, a crime spree, a XXX movie, no matter how hard you look.

You will never know condemnation or judgment from me. I accept you, where you are, whatever you have done, no matter what. Your life does not have to feel this way. There is hope. You matter to me, and I have so much to tell you. And what you hear may just change your life, if you let it. Lock-n-load, baby. My arsenal is ready for you.

The Noticer by Andy Andrews, Book Review

Written by the best-selling author of The Traveler’s Gift, The Noticer is an amazingly moving tale of the influence of a man named Jones as he floats in and out of the community of Orange Beach Alabama. Mysterious and elusive, Jones seems to encounter residents just as they are privately facing some of life’s most personal challenges, and inevitably, they leave the encounter a different person for life.

Written from an auto-biographical angle, Andrews shares the darkest time of his life with readers, as a hopeless and homeless young man, and how his encounter with a man named Jones changed the course of his life. The author’s story is so well crafted that it left me wondering if it was fiction, or non, but no matter, it is an amazing story of the possibility and potential of each life. Potential that will grow and flourish if watered by the love of another, or dry and wither if ignored.

The thread woven throughout the book is that in every situation, there is a new perspective waiting to be had. It certainly left me pondering certain situations in my life that I need to take a harder look at, and also prompted me to notice the lives around me, and ask myself who I can be a “Jones” to today. Thanks to Andy Andrews for spurring me think, and act, and influence.